Woman I loved you just the way you were. I didn’t leave you because I didn’t love you I left because of that fateful night you went over to your sister’s house and because of what you told me you saw on her bed.
I left because of my inability to contact you that night after calling you repeatedly. I finally spoke with you the next morning and knew something wasn’t right just based on your demeanor. I could tell in your voice you were wracked with guilt. I left because of what I knew.
But I have always loved you but you had violated the trust and once you do that the relationship is essentially over. But don’t think I viewed you as just something to do because that’s not the case. You were very important to me and an important part of my life someone I cared deeply for. You gave me a picture and wrote on it “to Donald Bohanon the most important person in my life”.
But what you didn’t know is that I carried that picture with me everywhere I went and would just look at when I wasn’t doing anything. I didn’t care what anyone else said about you. No one could tell me anything that would change my opinion about you.
Because I knew who you really were deep inside and how you really felt about me. You were so unselfish and showed me you loved me every chance you got. That’s the only thing that mattered to me. And what you didn’t know is you were, at that time, the most important person in my life as well. But obviously it’s God now. Remember how I used to kiss you on your forehead like in the picture above? I meant all of that.
But you allowed your sister to set a trap for you. Someone I feel was always deeply jealous of you and never wanted to see you happy. She resented the fact that you were happy with me. She resented the fact that you spoke so highly of me and wanted to live the rest of your life with me.
So she set a trap and you fell for it hook line and sinker. Just so you know that’s why I left. Not to intentionally hurt you. But only because I knew what I knew because I knew you so well. I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you I left because you violated the trust.
And allowed yourself to be played by your diabolical and very jealous former stripper sister who never wanted to see you happy. She was always very jealous of you because you were the prettiest of all your three sisters.
Body and beauty. And I’m convinced she probably still wants to see you unhappy. As a word of advice, I personally would never trust her if I were you. In fact, I’m convinced she wanted to destroy you. But you were too blind to see it. Not that it matters now.
But just so you know, I’m writing this because although you may never admit it, that breakup, I’m convinced, had a very negative impact on your life in terms of how it affected your emotional and mental state and the direction it influenced you to go in afterward. And in all honesty, it affected me to a degree as well.
Based on the information I’ve been receiving you are perpetrating like you are about that life. And living a life that’s not conducive to the type of person you really are. When in reality you are a very sensitive person who is easily hurt.
I remember when you used to cry when the wind blew too hard. You thrive and are most happy in a relationship when the love you give is being genuinely reciprocated and or given back based on sincere and mutual affection. Not when it’s done in a phony way and as a ploy to try and get something.
You will never be happy going against who you really are as a person to please or appease someone who doesn’t care anything about you because you’re desperate for love. Or as an act of rebellion to get back at others because of past betrayal and disappointment. Or because of behavior and wrong choices you’ve made that has essentially consumed you with guilt and compromised your feeling of self-worth.
You actually feel worthless at times because of actions and decisions you’ve made in the past. And you act it out with self-destructive behavior. God reveals much to me. Following that path will only ensure you sink deeper into depression and sorrow while using drugs and alcohol to self medicate and relieve the pain.
Which only makes it much worse. Using alcohol and drugs to self medicate and ease the pain of guilt and emotional hurt will only ensure your judgment is clouded even more and cause you to lose complete control of the situation. As you descend deeper into self-destructive behavior.
You must deal with the problem head-on and correct your behavior to resolve the problem and ease the pain. You must admit you have made wrong choices (but we all have because none of us are perfect) accept it and deal with it.
And not allow guilt, sorrow, bitterness, and resentment to cause you to behave in a self-destructive fashion. I think life’s circumstances and so many letdowns and heartbreaks, dealing with and choosing the wrong individuals, and guilt because of past actions and decisions, has hardened your heart and made you feel worthless. And have caused you to act out irresponsibly, ignorantly, and foolishly. In a very self-destructive way.
But because you are putting on a facade that’s been cultivated and motivated by guilt, disappointment, betrayal, anger, pride, and resentment, it doesn’t mean that’s who you really are genuinely.
There are also individuals who are able to pick up on those things and exploit them for their own selfish gain and benefit. No man, for instance, is going to ask you to sell your body and at the same time claim to love you.
Men covet the women they love and don’t want to see anyone else have them. This is the truth of the matter. No man who claims to love you wants to see another man have you in any way.
So if they’re asking you to sell your body and compromise your dignity and self-respect to benefit themselves, you are worthless in their eyes. And you are probably just a way for them to enrich themselves and that’s it. I’m speaking to things that may have occurred during the course of your life. Women covet the men they love also. I hope this helps other women as well.
You’re not built for that life no matter how much you try and front like you are. My advice to you is to get out of that environment before you get drawn deeper into it and eaten alive. And your life is turned upside down even more than it is now.
In my opinion, you have allowed these circumstances and all the guilt because of past actions to make you feel worthless. But in reality, you are not worthless, you are very valuable in God’s eyes.
Draw closer to God in prayer and Bible study and change your behavior and he will comfort and heal you, guide and direct you, and fight your battles for you. He will literally destroy your enemies if they don’t stop persecuting you and change their behavior. This is simply the truth. I’m praying for you. I just wanted you to know this. You know who you are.
In my El Debarge voice