Question: How Do You Respond To People Who Say If You Call Them Out For Their Wrong Doing That Means You Are A Hater Who Hates Them Only Because You Secretly Have Internal Issues That You Are Dealing With Yourself And Your Hate For Them Is An Example Of Self Hate?
Donald Bohanon: First, I disagree with the notion that exposing evil is an example of self-hate. The Bible actually commands God’s servants to reprove evil and to have nothing to do with the unfruitful works of darkness. Reprove means to expose. Ephesians 5:10-13. And does me or anyone else calling a person out for their evil mean that it’s automatically a sign of self-hatred? Why can’t it be just what it is exposing someone for their wrongdoing? And if the person automatically assumes your criticism of them amounts to self-hatred it’s been my experience that those who adopt that mindset without any self-evaluation or examination are probably narcissists who are probably worthy of the criticism.
Could it be possible that the person who is doing the criticizing actually sees flaws that the criticized can’t see or they see and just refuse to address and correct themselves? I think it becomes even more important when the criticized are actually worthy of the criticism but refuse to take accountability for their own flaws, shortcomings, and offensive behavior. Not all criticism is an example of self-hatred, I think it’s safe to say, especially in this time and generation much of that criticism is probably justified and has nothing at all to do with self-hatred.
Me, personally, I love myself and I am proud of the man I have become with God’s help. So the self-hatred suggestion really carries no weight in my opinion. I’m constantly doing self-evaluation and examination to ensure my righteousness lives up to the standard of righteousness outlined in God’s word. And, anytime I am pointing out a person’s flaws especially if they are claiming to be something they are not like in the case of false ministers, etc, who are immersed in sinful behavior unrepentant, and who teach and promote lies to the detriment of those who follow them, but who at the same time masquerade as genuine righteous servants of God I’m just doing what I am instructed to do by God and that is exposing evil and calling what it is.
I’m far from a perfect man and I’m humble enough if criticized about something to do some thorough self-examination before I automatically refer to the person who is doing the criticizing as a hater, and a self-hater internally. And if I find that those claims are true, I will try to work to make changes to improve myself. But I totally disagree with the notion that if you point out a person’s obvious flaws, wrong-doing, and or narcissistic behavior, that means you are automatically a hater who internally loathes yourself.
That’s normally the response of a grandiose narcissist who refuses to take accountability for their own flaws and corrupt behavior and work to correct them. Especially if they refuse to do any self-examination to determine if the claims carry any weight or merit. A truly humble person who desires to improve themselves and get better will take a close look at themselves before they immediately label all criticism as a form of self-hatred, as opposed to constructive criticism. A narcissistic person who feels they are infallible, with no room for improvement, will normally adopt the ‘I’m above reproach’ mindset.
A person who thinks they’re perfect so your criticism of them can never be about them, so it has to be about your own self-hatred or jealousy is blinded by their ego and pride and refusal to examine and acknowledge their own faults, shortcomings, and bad behavior. A righteous, humble, person on the other hand, will examine themselves to see if their actions and behavior line up with and are supported by God’s word because that is the truest standard by which one should gauge if their behavior is in fact good or bad and if change and improvement are needed or not..